Those of you that have dealt with your parents passing....

[jays68yak]

So my dads parents, my grandparents, are pretty much on thier last leg. Grandmother has been in a rest home for prob the past 4 months after falling and breaking her arm. When I saw her she was WAY loopy, lost a bunch of weight, didnt know who I was, could hardly talk, and just for the most part looked dead. I understand she is getting better. Before this happened they were at a retirement home. Now that my grandmother pretty much needs assisted living care they were forced to move into an assisted living house. They just did this like 2 weeks ago. You know Im honestly not worried about my grandparents as when you get old its going to happen its just a matter of time. What is killing me is my dad. He is WAY stressed. I mean he has had to deal with his parents failing health, moving them, figuring out how they are going to pay for this, on top of those work is majorlying sucking monkey nuts. Our salespeople cant sell the jobs right, subs fubar shit up, and he has to get it all straightened out. Hes a project manager for the security co I work for. Then to top it all off my mom and I are not getting a long. The thing with my mom and I has been an on going issue for years. I wouldnt even know where to start. I try to avoid her most of the time cuz I just dont want to deal with it. I try to not involve my father and I try my best to not cause any issues but I just cant deal with my mom. Mike saw first hand last weekend what Im talking about.

Basicly I kinda wanted to vent, but also ask. For those of you that have had deal with getting your parents into a old folks home, and them on their last leg, how did you deal with the stress? I feel way bad for my dad. For the past couple of weeks he has not been feeling very good. Says he is quesy (sp). Im positive its stress. Maybe he knows they dont have long. I guess the house called him last night to tell him that his dad was having issues breathing, but is ok now. That is not helpign at all. And neither are the issues with my mother.

I need to go wheeling.

[Burt4x4]

To answer your question, no I have not had to deal with this...although all my grandparents are gone.
I belive it is all in how you prepare yourself for this. Lets face it we are all mortal and we all have the same ending...death(well ending as a human on earth...but that could be a whole new thread so...)
I like the term Circle of Life.
What your dad is going thru could actually be looked at slightly different..with a glass is half full attitude, your grandparents are lucky to have lived full lives to make it to the elderly stage in life. We the younger folks need to celibrate and remember their lives in a Positive way. Sure the times are tuff when they become delusional and unable to care for them selves..that is were the circle of life comes in..you begain as a baby..delusional and unable to care for your self..if you make it back to that point you have truly lived full circle.
All I'm saying is stay positive so that when it is your turn to help your folks maybe you won't be a basket case or let it stress you out like what your dad is going thru :2thumbs:

My .o2c
Burt

[Nosmog73]

Well I lost my Grandpa in april after 2-3 years of him going downhill and I saw the stress that my dad and my uncle and aunt went though..They were taking turns staying there for 3 days at a time and helping him with baths food and all that stuff.I was the only grandkid that helped with things like baths and helped him go to the bathroom even (that wasnt fun but he was my gramps and I did it)
My Granpa always was in good sprits but would let on that he just wanted to die (would tell that to grandma and then she to the kids then it would work its way to us) the last month of his Life he was not in a good place and I WAS a wreck because I wasnt ready for him to pass yet..I got a few calls at work saying I needed to be at the house if I wanted to say good bye..
And it came a point where the morphine wasnt working anymore and the Dr finnaly agreed to tune off the pace maker and let him pass(he had wanted the pace maker off for over a year but Dr said no) and he passed withing 10 min of them turn it off in peace at home with his family around him..
The stress can be bad on your dad but my thoughts are is he needs to take a day to himself and as hard as it is to do , go somewhere that he can just relax and chill and re-group ..

[jays68yak]

I agree that he needs to go take a day to him self. I just have never known him to have an outlet like that. With me its wheelin or wrenchin. Him....I have no idea. I need to convince him to go do something that would calm him and relax himself.

:uh oh:

[Nosmog73]

I agree that he needs to go take a day to him self. I just have never known him to have an outlet like that. With me its wheelin or wrenchin. Him....I have no idea. I need to convince him to go do something that would calm him and relax himself.

:uh oh:

Yea my dad is that way too...He would just clam up and go out to the shop and work to not have to think about gramps going (and not wanting to admit that the time was near) he would just pass it off to us as my aunt was going overboard (she is a nurse so she did all the meds and what not at home and we didnt have to check him into a home) :2thumbs:

[Onlychevy6]

i have experience with this as well. Losing a grandparent or mom and dad sucks. After seeing what my father went through when his dad was going to a better place. Since my father was a cop in Texas at the time. he go do his job then head to the hospital and stay all night. Now keep this in mind my father is an ex Marine as well. After about a month of seeing his dad (my grandfather) falling apart. It took its toll. My father just flipped out and lost it. Not only did he finally break down and cry but we ended up at a firing range. and lets just say i am glad we were alone in there. there was so many rounds fired off.

And now i am in the same boat. My mother has MS. she has been given a time line a couple of times now. and really sucks, Not knowing what is going to happen from one day to the next.

I feel for you. My prayers are with you.

[Twisted Whipz]

damn, i've been down that road. loss of great grand parents and parents has left me more numb than anything. the stress wont go away for quite some time. after the passing, and the funeral things are all spent. you cry so hard you can't anymore. the tears don't fall and you remember the times you had and watching them go for so long. then the light of day comes and your feeling come back to normal and you're scared. the person you become is better though. and each future time it hurts less and ends quicker.

the best thing for your dad is to step away and not think about it. but there will be little solice so long as he has the money monkey on his back. i'm sorry man my best wishes to you and yours.

[BRBoudreaux]

I don't deal with it. I've accepted that as a fact of life and treat it as such.......

With that being said, I was around my one grandmother about a month before she passed because of cancer. On the same trip, I visited my grandfather who was in the VA at Prescott, AZ. He passed about two months later.

Not easy to swallow, but that's just the way it is..................

[stoney126]

i just lost my mom to cancer this past august, she just turned 50. What i did was hang out with her as much as possible and think of better things and remember who she really was. You or your father should take a break, sometimes you just need to take a step back and let it soke in a lil.

For me after everything was taking care of, I took off for the weekend with some friend's to play some paintball. And it helped, sometimes you just gota blow off some steam.

[k5krushert1]

yeah ive been there myself i lost my grandma this april that i grew up with almost i was over there alot.it was very sad for my whole family going through all the process especially when theres an uncool step grandpa that made the process a little hard :argue: that left about 40 people in my family disapointed in him.yeah she lived a very long life she passed when she was 91 and had been dealing with several medical issues that made her life uninjoyable her last year.its the only reason i actually relocated was because she passed away.about the only good thing is alot of the time it brings alot of family members together to reunite which was cool.it was a very bad loss and i understand the best thing you can do is stay strong through it as much as you can be possitive.

[shewheeler]

I too, have lost all of my grandparents. The toughest to deal with was my mom's mom. She lived with us for a while and was in and out of nursing homes -- she kept getting kicked out for breaking the rules -- granny liked to drink some :rolleyes:

Anyways... her physical health was failing for many years but mentally she was mostly there til the end. My mom and I were with her when she took her last breath. It was difficult to have those last moments as my final memory of her, but I'm happy that she wasn't alone; happy that my mom and I were able to be there for her at the end.

Death is not easy, but as soon as we are born, we are already dying. Some are lucky and live long happy lives. Some are cut short before ever having a chance to really live.

There is no easy answer as everyone deals with that kind of stress in their own way. I'm not sure how close you are with your grandparents, but maybe asking your dad about them would help him talk about things? Like their where the came from, how they were when he was young, things like that. Maybe suggest a fishing trip? Hunting? Bowling? Let him use you as a punching bag?

Your family will be in my thoughts...